Raiding The Office
by No Name and the Lonely Machine
Summary: D-Tent is annoyed and tired when X-Ray gets a not-so-brilliant plan to end their boredom. They were just trying to have some fun, but what could Mr. Sir possibly be hiding? Rated T for some language and a crude subject. Complete! Left posted mostly for nostalgic reasons.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: So this is just something I randomly came up with, not very impressive. Mostly dialogue. Still, I hope it's a little bit entertaining! **

The members of D-Tent were exhausted and bored, so, naturally, none of them were in a great mood. In the Wreck Roon, everyone was arguing about something or other…

"I'm bored," moaned Armpit.

"Shut up," snapped X-Ray. "We're all bored."

"Shh! I can't hear the TV!" hissed Zigzag, staring at the broken television.

"That's it," said Squid. "I can't take any more of your insanity."

"Jeez, man, leave him alone!" cried Magnet.

"Hey, hey, everybody just calm down a little," said Caveman, trying to make peace with a worried expression on his face.

"You should just stay out of it, Stanley," said Zero, sounding cross.

"No, he's right," said X-Ray, suddenly calm. "Let's just go back to the tent and cool off."

After a few huffs, sneers, protests, and questions of "Who died and made you king?" all of the boys were back in their tent.

"And what, exactly, was the point of making us leave the Wreck Room? I'm missing my show," said Zigzag, irritated.

"I got an idea," said X-Ray, eyes gleaming from behind his thick, dusty glasses.

"Oh, God," said Squid from his cot across the tent.

"No, it's a good one. Who saw Mr. Sir last?"

They all stared at him.

"Um…I think I saw him in the mess hall," Caveman finally answered.

"Just now?"

"Yes."

"Great! Come with me," said X-Ray, heading out of the tent.

They all grumbled under their breath, getting up and walking out. "First he makes us leave the Wreck Room, then makes us leave here after thirty seconds," said Armpit, annoyed.

They found X-Ray in front of the office building where Mr. Sir stayed.

"Why are we here?" asked Magnet.

"We are here, boys, to put thieving skills to the test," said X-Ray, turning and facing them all with a big grin on his face, like he had come up with the greatest plan in the world, and not a death trap.

"Wait...you want us to steal something out of there? No way!" exclaimed Squid.

"Yes! I nominate Magnet!" replied X-Ray.

"What? No!" yelled Magnet.

X-Ray shook his head. "We're all gonna go. Magnet just goes first, to look around and tell us if the coast is clear."

Magnet gaped at him wordlessly, mouth open.

"Are you feeling alright, X-Ray?" asked Caveman nervously.

"What? Of course I am. Are you hinting that I'm as crazy as Zigzag?"

"No!" Caveman looked horrified.

"Hey!" shouted Zigzag, glaring at X-Ray. "Asshole!"

"Can everyone, just, you know, SHUT UP?" Zero screamed.

All discussion stopped as everyone turned to gape at Zero.

"No one is stupid enough to go in there, so why is it even worth talking about?"

"Because, little one, we are all bored, and this is interesting," insisted X-Ray. "Now, c'mon! Or are you all _chicken_?"

They all glanced around at each other. Squid was first to speak. "No! I am not scared!" He turned to the boys, and suddenly blasted at them, "What are ya'll waitin' for? C'mon!" He marched up to the door. X-Ray followed. "Atta boy, Squidly!"

In front of the closed door, Squid turned to them all. "Well? Aren't you coming? This is Mr. Sir's place, you know...who knows what kinds of things could be in here..." His gaze landed on Zigzag, who he was clearly directing the statement at. Zigzag pursed his lips. "Alright...I'll come. But if I die, I'm blaming you." He joined them at the door.

Not wanting to look like a fool, Armpit sighed, and also joined them.

Magnet, embarassed to be left with the weaker links (Caveman and Zero), whimpered and walked up to the boys. "If Mr. Sir comes in, we're gonna die. You know that, right?"

X-Ray shrugged. "Maybe. Now, what about you two?" he asked Zero and Caveman.

"Erm..." Caveman didn't want to look like a scaredy-cat. Zero could've cared less what the other boys thought. "Well...is it really worth it, if you're gonna get caught by Mr. Sir?"

"We're not gonna get caught!" exclaimed X-Ray.

Caveman gave in, and sighed. He walked up to the door.

All the boys turned and looked at Zero. He rolled his eyes, and sighed crossly. He joined them all.

"Good!" X-Ray was thrilled. "C'mon, boys!"

Carefully, he opened the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - Thank you, **_**anthony sosa**_**, for being my first reviewer!  
****It left off where D-Tent is just about to head into Mr. Sir's office.  
I do not own Holes!  
**

"Okay, Magnet. In you go." X-Ray stepped aside and pointed in.

Magnet looked inside, made a small squeaking sound, and tip-toed in. Everyone else followed after him.

The inside of Mr. Sir's office still smelled awful. "It sure don't smell like he quit smoking," said Armpit, waving a hand in front of his nose.

They all filed in quietly and cautiously. Zero shut the door behind them.

"Okay, X, what are we gonna do?" asked Squid.

"See what Mr. Sir's hiding, that's all," X-Ray answered.

"This has to be the stupidest idea ever," whispered Zigzag. "The Warden can see us with her cameras!"

Caveman stared at Zigzag a moment before his eyes began to dart around the small space, trying to find a camera or microphone.

X-Ray walked quietly over the large desk, and opened one of the drawers. Moving some things around, the other campers watched, awed by his bravery.

"Anything interesting in there?" asked Caveman.

"No..." X-Ray looked frustrated as he moved more objects around. He shut the drawer he was looking through, and began to jiggle the handle on another one.

Caveman and Zero glanced at each other. Magnet glanced nervously at the door. Armpit and Squid watched X-Ray struggle to open the drawer, which refused to come open easily. Zigzag looked all around the room fearfully, still trying to spot the cameras and microphones the the Warden was supposedly watching them with. They all jumped, instantly alert when X-Ray managed to yank open the drawer with a loud _Bang!_

Everyone turned and looked at the door, waiting for Mr. Sir to come in and bust them all.

He didn't come.

X-Ray breathed a sigh of relief. He looked down at the contents of the drawer.

"Well, well, well! What have we here?"

"What is it?" asked Zigzag.

Without speaking, X-Ray held up an issue of _Playboy_.

Zero's eyes became huge. Caveman looked excited and interested, but a little afraid. Armpit and Magnet fist-bumped, huge grins on their faces. Zigzag let a quiet, but ecstatic, "Score!" Squid shouted, almost too loud, "Keep it! Keep it!"

Armpit turned to Squid. "Do you think he'll notice if we keep it?"

Squid frowned. "Not sure...can we keep it anyway?"

X-Ray looking back down in the drawer, answered. "I don't think we'll have to worry about that...he's got more than one."

Laughs erupted around the room. "Out of everything I thought he might have in here, I _never_ would've guessed..." Magnet trailed off, his sentence ending in a laugh.

X-Ray slid the magazine into his jumpsuit, and zipped it up. Encouraged by the find, the others-except for Zigzag, who remained convinced that the Warden would come in at any given moment-began to look more closely around the room. Squid joined X-Ray at the desk. He squatted down and tried to open the bottom drawer, but found that it was locked. "Damn," he muttered.

Zigzag looked over at Squid. "What happened?"

"This drawer won't open. It's locked."

Zigzag's eyes lit up. Apparently, he forgot about the Warden and her cameras at that moment. "I wonder what Mr. Sir's hiding...Magnet?"

"Yeah?"

"We need you and your lock-picking."

Zigzag and Magnet each squatted beside Squid. Everyone else stopped what they were doing and crowded around behind them.

"Give me your toothpick." Squid pulled it out of his mouth and handed it to him. Magnet inserted it into the key-hole and wiggled it around. Everyone watched with bated breath.

Finally, they heard a small _click._ Squid opened the drawer. He pulled out the first thing he touched: a card for...marriage counseling?

"What the fuck?"

"What is it?" asked X-Ray, trying to read the card.

"'Licensed Psychotherapist?' I don't know, but it says 'Marriage and Couples' at the bottom," explained Squid, looking confused.

"I think it means, you know, a therapist for people with marriage troubles," said Caveman.

Everyone stared at the card. Why would Mr. Sir have a card for anything that had to do with marriage? He couldn't have been married before...could he?

"Holy shit," breathed Armpit.

"We seem to have reached the good stuff. What else is in there?" asked X-Ray.

Zigzag reached in the drawer and pulled out an old, dusty book with a soft and worn leather cover. He opened it to the first page.

"Property of...Marion Savio?"

"What?" exclaimed Caveman. "That is not...someone probably gave that to him, right?"

"Maybe...but gee, I didn't know that was a man's name," said Zigzag.

Everyone began laughing, even Zero. X-Ray fell over from laughing so hard, and Magnet snorted through his nose. A couple of tears streamed down Squid's face.

When they had gained a little control, Armpit asked, "What book is it?"

Zigzag flipped through a couple of pages. His eyes widened. "It's not a book...it's a _diary_."

"Read it out loud!" hissed Magnet.

By then, everyone had forgotten that they were in Mr. Sir's office and had a good chance of being caught any moment.

Zigzag read aloud.

"Dear Diary: I hate school. Everyone makes fun of me, just because of my name. It's not fair, it's not my fault. I didn't pick my name. Someday, I'm gonna change my name to something no one will ever forget. That's it for now, Diary. Bye."

Squid burst out laughing. "I guess that does belong to him."

Zigzag flipped to the middle of the diary. He read out loud again.

"Dear Journal: High school is terrible. The kids can throw out worse insults than before. There is one girl who doesn't make fun of me, though. She's pretty. Her name's Louise. Bye."

Armpit snickered. "I wonder where that Louise is now."

"If he was anything like he is now in high school, I don't see how anyone could like him," said Caveman.

"Maybe high school made him the way he is now," said Zero, barely audibile. Only Caveman heard him.

"Can I see that?" asked Magnet. Zigzag handed it to him.

X-Ray leaned over and pulled out a photo album. He opened it up to reveal a baby picture with the caption of "Baby Marion, age 2".

"Ha! Look at little Mr. Sir!" X-Ray pointed to the photo, holding it out in front of everyone.

He fanned through the pages, and stopped on a teenage boy smoking a cigarette. He didn't have a rattlesnake tattoo, and was thinner, but still had the unpleasant look on his face. X-Ray held up the picture.

"Whoa," said Magnet, looking up from the diary.

"How old do you think he is?" asked X-Ray.

"It says he's sixteen," said Caveman, reading the caption.

X-Ray flipped through some more pages, until a glossy photograph fell out of the album. Squid leaned over and picked it up.

His eyes grew huge. "Oh my God."

"What?" asked Armpit. "What is it?"

Wordlessly, Squid held up the photo.

This time, there were no laughs. Everyone gaped at the photo silently.

The picture was taken at a wedding. Mr. Sir and the Warden were kissing underneath a canopy of flowers. The caption read: "Marion Savio and Louise Walker".

Magnet put one hand over his mouth in utter horror. Armpit looked dumbfounded, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Caveman looked at the photo in disbelief, and Zero had an expression of complete shock. Zigzag's already big eyes widened, X-Ray's expression was a mixture of disgust and surprise.

"Ew...," said Armpit.

The campers shared their feelings by looking at one another and mouthing soundlessly.

"The warden and Mr. Sir...used to fuck?" asked Zigzag. Squid nodded, mouth open.

Then, the door banged open, and Mr. Sir came into the room.

D-Tent jumped a mile, still holding their finds. Mr. Sir's face turned red, and he screamed, "You little bastards! Oh, you wait till I..." He abruptly stopped when he saw the objects in the campers' hands from the once-locked drawer. He went from red to a scary color purple.

The boys shared one look that clearly said: _We're gonna die._

But instead of attacking them, he stared at the photo album, then the diary, and then the wedding picture. He raised a trembling arm, and pointed at the door behind him. "Out." It was barely more than a whisper.

Eyes wide, completely terrified, Magnet put the diary back in the drawer. Squid took the photo album from X-Ray and slid the picture back in. He placed that in the drawer and pushed it closed.

Mr. Sir, still pointing, stood rooted to that spot. Scared out of their wits, D-Tent filed out of the office. They sprinted for the tent.

Mr. Sir pulled the door shut.


End file.
